Sports At Random

The newest Internet sensation, Steven Blannelberry, is back. So here is the former Weird Bar Back and the current disease-free man himself:

“Top 10 Sports Headlines in SoCal - 6-7-07 (in order of relevance and importance to the populace):

1. The NBA Playoffs begin tonight!
2. Kobe Bryant took a crap and it smelt like burnt pancakes.
3. V T B, “Vic the Brick Jacobs” a local sports radio host, was there to wipe his ass.
4. The Yankees are 26-31.
5. The Dodgers are 35-24.
6. David Beckham is a homosexual.
7. Kobe Bryant wants to be traded.
8. Kobe Bryant doesn’t want to be traded.
9. Paris Hilton went to jail; today she was released.
10. Michael Jackson created the coalition for “Baby Danglers.” Apparently, in an attempt to legalize dangling babies, specifically nicknamed “blanket,” out 4-8 story buildings.

Maybe you get the picture, maybe not…

In other, non-related, completely trivial, and ultra mundane sports news, the SoCal Shitbirds, aka the Anaheim Ducks, won the most coveted and arguably the most difficult trophy to attain, in all of sports, the Stanley Cup. Does anyone really care in SoCal… who is actually from SoCal? Answer: NO!

A heartfelt congratulations to the Birds. Hopefully, in time, the SoCal people will appreciate the magnitude of this accomplishment, but that’s as likely as sectarian violence ending in the Middle East.”