From “The Adam Carolla Show”, Adam portrays Bill Simmons after Tom Brady’s injury:
Link
I have a feeling Carolla doesn’t respect what Simmons does for a living. I wonder what he would think of me, then?
Archive for the 'ESPN' Category
First Angel Stadium is infested with rats, and now the “Baseball Tonight” studio has a fly problem.
No matter the true size of that fly, Karl Ravech needs to not fear for his life if it buzzes by him. It’s a fly, Karl. Relax. Look at John Kruk. He just watches it fly around. No big deal. That’s a real man.
Speaking of a real man, Buster Olney surely is not one. He’s like a stat-spewing robot. And he’s about as smooth as the Rocky Mountains. Just listen to him say, “No, I didn’t see it, Karl.” For a guy named “Buster”, he sure is quite humorless.
- Lakers Forward Brian Cook was on the “Petros and Money Show” (the greatest radio show in the history of the world) on Friday and he had this to say about what goes on at the Walton Compound in San Diego, hanging out with Luke Walton and Richard Jefferson:
“It’s a big bachelor house, you know. Eight rooms… Little bit of pool… little Beer Pong.”
They better play no blowing. Only Bitches blow.
But, Man, I would love to see that. Cookie and RJ verses Luke and some skank they met at Stingaree earlier that night. Or maybe they play singles. I bet Brian Cook dominates. He’s got great wrist action on his shot- that transfers well into Beer Pong.
My first reaction was to make fun of the Lakers here- like ‘what the hell are your players doing during the off-season’ or something like that- but his honesty is refreshing. Most players would have kept that one a secret, I bet.
(on a side-note: It is most definitely called “Beer Pong”- there are many variations of “Beer Pong”, but there is no such thing called “Beirut”. “Beirut” was a term made up by some intellectual Assholes that compared the throwing of a ping-pong ball towards the cups on the other side to the hideous dropping of bombs that the city of Beirut has frequently experienced. So it has nothing to do with paddles or bouncing or whatever- the game of “Beirut” just does not exist. Unless you are an Asshole.)
- ESPN has often updated, renovated, and built new additions to their compound in Bristol, CT. Their newest building, which is in its final stages, includes a new entrance to the entire facility, an NFL conference room, and a golf-tee patterned countertop.
For all the new additions, though, ESPN Vice President, Mike Soltys, said they always kept one thing in mind: “Our mission is to keep our focus on our fans.” Really, Mike? I’m just going to ignore the fact that you called your viewers your “fans”- but, seriously, you care about your fans? Why charge for ESPN Insider articles, then? Why make ESPNews never part of a basic cable package?
ESPN can do whatever it wants for now, as there is no way to get around it- but some day some network or some media conglomeration will challenge it. Challenge it harder than FOX ever dreamed of, too. But until that day… we are stuck at the mercy of the World Wide Leader… leader of what? I don’t know. But it certainly isn’t Fan Appreciation, Mike. Maybe Fan Gouging.
- 
This is 2 blocks from my apartment and my alibi the night this sign was defiled is shaky, at best.
With Dan Patrick having another “day off” again today (or is it ESPN learned what his “big announcement” was and there is no way in Hell they are letting him promote himself on their air if he’s leaving?), I just have one little side note on this story:
If you are a major media outlet (i.e. a more “legitimate” media outlet than blogs), shouldn’t you just put the effort into calling the sources you read online? Maybe an email? The Big Lead linked to a story on the Chicago Tribune web site that references thebiglead.com and sportsatrandom.com.
All this guy could have done was email me and ask me all my information and my source and so forth. How hard would that have been? And the funny thing is, I would have given him something.
I would have told him to call big non-ESPN Radio sports stations across the country. Talk to the Program Directors. They will tell you that Dan Patrick’s people have been putting feelers out to see if they can clear his show in those markets (i.e. put on his show). Obviously they’d like an afternoon slot, but basically all they want to do is to be able to say to advertisers, “Yeah, we clear in LA. Yeah, we clear in Chicago.” Even though that show could be on from 10 PM - 1 AM, you are still on in those markets (and, in my opinion, from experience, ad-time buyers can be stupid so they will be impressed with the blanket statement “we clear in LA”, rather than researching to see the actual ratings).
But don’t get me wrong, I appreciate Teddy Greenstein for even referencing this web site. Many outlets out there have run this story without even MENTIONING The Big Lead, Sports at Random, Awful Announcing, or Joe McDonnell, so Teddy is one of the better ones, I’d just appreciate an email.
Isn’t that what would have happened if I didn’t run a rumor-filled, face-less web-site called a “blog”? That word is like poison in this industry… but I have a feeling things are turning around.
Speculation from The Big Lead and Awful Announcing about what Dan Patrick’s big announcement will be aren’t as close as AM570 KLAC Radio’s host Joe McDonnell, who almost got it right.
My sources CONFIRMED 100% that Dan Patrick will leave ESPN TV and ESPN Radio in order to pursue a national self-syndicated radio gig, just like Jim Rome. His people will also look for TV work for Dan, including outside of the world of sports. My source stands by this information, and says that it will be announced by Dan very soon.
Apparently Dan thinks he is bigger than the brand of ESPN and, at 51, thinks there is no better time to go off on his own. I, for one, think he is making a huge mistake. He now is trying to shop his proposed syndicated radio show across the country to sports stations, but there’s one catch: there is no way in Hell ESPN Radio Stations will carry him. So the other chance he has is the other sports stations in those markets- who have tried to solidify programming against him in the afternoon, so they may be set at the afternoon times he is trying to get.
So good luck, Dan- have fun having your show on tape delay from 10 - 1 in most markets… That’s 10 PM to 1 AM, Dan.
NBA PLAYOFF BRACKETS
Thanks to David Stern’s obsession with gambling, we here at Sports at Random held an NCAA-like Pool with the NBA Playoffs. And since no one has San Antonio or Cleveland winning it all, here’s the FINAL rankings:
LAST PLACE:
ESPN Source: A pathetic 5 points. That’s 3 1st Round Series right and 1, yes, 1 2nd Round Series right. And that’s all. Just goes to show that anyone can work for ESPN, even people who know nothing about sports.
TIED FOR 2ND:
NEIL: Phoenix (or the NBA) really let him down. He ends up with 10 points.
MATT NG: Also has 10 points. He had Dallas winning it all.
1ST PLACE AND CHAMPION OF THE WORLD:
ME: 11 points. The Cavs winning the East just barely put me over the top.
I’d like to take this moment to thank the little people out there… actually- I don’t see midgets as “little people”, I see them as normal people with really small arms and giantly freakish heads.
The Greatest Sign Ever at a Sporting Event
FOR SALE! (keep reading…)
It was my Sophomore year at Syracuse University. I lived in Sadler Hall, right across from the Carrier Dome. It was Monday- Big Monday, according to ESPN- and Georgetown was in town. I got out of class when a saucy Red-Head who I had been trying to bed asked me to go for some food before the game. Now this was not a date or anything- but it wasn’t nothing either. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to have a meal alone with this girl- then head to the Dome for the game on National Television.
Instead, I told her I had to go do something. I would love to do it another time, but I have to… well… make a sign before the Game. She looked at me strange like she had thrown it out there, offered it up, and I had smacked it down like Dikembe Mutombo.
I’m sure you’ve seen, as I have, the numerous signs at sporting events that oh so creatively take the acronym, say, “ABC” and turn it sideways, so it says something like:
Another
Bills
Championship
Or even the people with less intelligence (is it even possible?) that make up sayings that don’t even use each letter at the beginning of each word. E.g.:
Every
Syracuse
Player
kNows how to win!
In this Blogger’s humble opinion- signs like these are the bane of human existence. Just think of how long the person must have just sat there, on scrap paper first, going through phrase after phrase, never getting it right. “College Basketball Surplus. No, no. Carrier Beckons Sound. No, no. Cheer Basketball Syracuse! No, doesn’t make sense. Come on, why can’t I think of a witty saying… wait… wait… Can’t Beat Syracuse! Yes! I got it! I did it! Get me some markers, I’m gettin’ on TV!”
Frankly, it sickens me. Sickens me so much that I was willing to throw away a pseudo-Date with a saucy Red Head who I longed for in order to make my own acronym-filled sign.
So I did. I went right up to my dorm room, got the large piece of poster board that I had used my Freshmen year for a Super Bowl Pool in Day Hall (squares kind of pool), turned it over, and dug out my colored pencils- for I was to make the ultimate sign. The best sign anyone had ever seen at a sporting event. Oh, they would be talking about this one for years to come, I was sure of it.
And, oh, it was beautiful. Not beautiful like a warm Spring morning or beautiful like a young Elisabeth Shue, but beautiful like a newborn baby (you know, when they are actually really ugly, but no one admits it and it’s only beautiful because a person made that thing).
So I rolled up my Baby and headed across the street to the Dome. I became quite nervous as the game started. Not because my Orangemen (this was before they were just the “Orange”) were playing a tough Hoyas Team, but because we were getting closer and closer to the first TV Timeout. I wondered if people would get it. Were they even ready for a sign of this magnitude? So when the clock went under the 16 minute mark and the ball bounced out of bounds, the ESPN cameras penetrated the Syracuse Student Section.
I arose from my seat, held my sign up high with pride. The people behind me were extremely confused at why I was holding up a 2001 Giants/Ravens Super Bowl Pool and the people in front of me were just plain confused. I looked at them as they stared back in bewilderment at me. They didn’t get this:
If you don’t get this, then you don’t like Mel Brooks movies, you don’t like the comedy of Mitch Hedberg, or his imitator, Demetri Martin. It never made it on TV (to shock the world) and I never held it up again. Not because of the confusion, but because I’m just not a ‘Sign Guy’. I can’t hold it up at every time out, I don’t have the enthusiasm to shake the poster so you get attention. That’s just not me. Even if I have gold (see above), I still just can’t do it.
So the Greatest Sign Ever at a Sporting Event was, basically, a disappointment. No one got it, not even my friends. They say they got it, but if they did, they would have laughed- and no one laughed. They only laughed at my misfortune of never getting another chance with that saucy Red Head. Who knows where she is now or what she’s doing, my only solace is that the sign lived on after her. Long enough for me to decide to bring it 3,000 miles West with me and get it custom framed.
So now you, the Sports at Random Reader (AKA My Roommate and a Retard from Compton) can own this piece of Sports History- for I am moving out of my Bachelor Pad, where signs like these are encouraged, to a one-bedroom with a non-Red Head, where paintings of ballerinas and fruit are more encouraged.
NBA Playoff Brackets
Amidst all the arguments for re-seeding the NBA Playoffs (which seems like everyone is for) and David Stern’s lame excuse for not re-seeding them (TV commitments), we have forgotten the real reason behind Stern’s genius plan for not re-seeding: GAMBLING. As I have said before, the NBA Playoffs works like a mini-NCAA Tournament (just your Sweet Sixteen). You cannot have brackets with re-seeding. Obviously Stern and the NBA cannot promote gambling, but I bet they hope that someday it will catch on and people will bet on it at least half as much as they do the NCAA Tourney. It’s a tough spot for Stern, but don’t worry, David, I got yo’ back.
So, on to our current standings (from previous post):
1st Place
Neil - tied for the lead with 6 points. He even had Utah in 7 and San Antonio in 5 (he did have Dallas sweeping, though. This round he has Phoenix, Cleveland, and Detroit moving on.
Matt Ng - also tied with Neil with 6 points. He also has Phoenix, Cleveland, and Detroit moving on.
3rd Place
Me - Dallas really screwed me. My only hope is that Lebron continues to try hard when he has to and takes down Detroit next round.
I write about the NBA every day and I only got 50% of the series right. Maybe that’s why no one pays me to do this.
Last Place
ESPN Source - with only 3 points, this truly ESPN Insider must hope Detroit and Phoenix make the Finals.
From my ESPN Source- he claims he has proof that Greg Oden is not 19 years old from this morning’s ESPN First Take:
“Today on the show formerly known as Cold Pizza, we were given proof that Greg Oden is not actually 19 years old. Oden was asked what his favorite basketball team of all-time is, or something like that, and he said he grew up watching Bird’s Celtic teams. Larry Bird retired in 1992 (when Oden was 4), won his last NBA title in 1986, and the last time they even made the Eastern Conference Finals with Bird was 1988, when Oden was supposedly 4 months old. If that’s not proof, I don’t know what is.”
NBA Playoff Brackets
Unlike the NFL and the NHL, David Stern and the NBA apparently lies about not liking betting. His NBA Playoffs don’t reseed every round- just like the NCAA Tournament, so it’s great for Tournament Pools- but NBA Playoff Pools just haven’t taken off yet.
And I also noticed this when the “stars” of Sports at Random (Puja, Ryan, and My Roommate) all did not return my email wanting to be in the pool. BUT- the up and coming stars of Sports at Random did- so let’s have ourselves an NBA Playoff 2007 Tournament Pool.
Here’s how it works: 1 Point for getting a series right in Round 1, 2 Points for getting a series right in Round 2, 3 Points for getting a series right in round 3, and 4 Points for picking the Champion. Then you pick how long each 1st Round series will last for any tie-breakers.
So on to the Pools:
Neil - although he wanted to be called “Hekafoothegrandconqueror”, Neil is Sports at Random’s new Dating Correspondent. We will find out if he is not only a Ladies Man- but also a Sports Guy.
(I’ll reveal his other picks at a later date)
My ESPN Source - he has to remain shrouded in mystery, but his picks don’t.
Detroit in 5
Miami in 6
Cleveland in 6
Toronto in 6
Dallas in 5
Houston in 7
Phoenix in 7
Denver in 6
Matt Ng - the only truly published sports writer that has ever appeared on Sports at Random. He writes for The Journal News, the best damn paper in all of Westchester County.
Detroit
Chicago
Cleveland
New Jersey
Dallas
Houston
Phoenix
San Antonio
(he didn’t give me in how many games- in fact, out of the six people who were supposed to be in this pool with me, 3 didn’t respond and Neil and Matt Ng did not follow directions. Only Deep Throat AKA My ESPN Source complied correctly)
MY PICKS:
Detroit in 5
Chicago in 6
Toronto in 7
Cleveland sweeps
Dallas in 6
Houston in 6
Denver in 7
Phoenix in 6
More analysis coming after the Weekend…