September 19, 2008
Archive for the 'NFL' Category
- John, please stop trying to raise your arms. I know some stupid Republican adviser has told you to not look weak and waive your arms around, but you just can’t. You’re old and injured. So don’t. It’s really not a big deal- doesn’t effect your candidacy. You look weaker when you struggle raising your arms than if you just didn’t do it at all. You look like Frankenstein.
- Bill Gates’ shaking ass has replaced the dog-kidnapper in my nightmares.
- Buffalo News writer Bob DiCesare has the same feeling that I have about Marshawn Lynch: You hit a girl with your SUV (possibly while drunk), left the scene of the accident, and you are mad at the media for reporting this? If it’s true, then you’re an idiot; if it’s not true, then stop your silence with the media for just a minute and tell everyone why you are not speaking with the media.
- I went to The Getty over the weekend and was surprised to see a blind guy walking through the museum. Now, he was led by another old man so he wasn’t knocking down the sculptures or anything… but still- it’s an entirely visual museum. There’s no soft jazz music or anything playing in the background. It just seemed to accomplish as much as a deaf guy with headphones on his ears.
- If I hear one person mention the words “Willis Reed” and “Tiger Woods” in the same sentence this week, I’m going to light myself on fire.
- I can’t help it. I told you so.
- I don’t really think I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m going with… Brook Lopez = BUST.
- Here in LA, Laker fans are absolutely going crazy. Not “crazy” like cheering and happy, but “crazy” like this series is wrapped up… for them. In 7. In Boston.
- Speaking of Los Angeles, we need to seriously consider making rules for TIVO and telling people when they can and cannot tell people about what has happened on a sports game, sitcom, reality show, or whatever.
Last night I emerged from a play (I had TIVO’ed the game) and one usher was just shouting - “The Lakers won! Celtics lose!” for no reason. We had just watched Glinda and Elphaba sing to each other, possibly a very touching moment for some, and the usher thought it was a good idea to let everyone know what had happened in the game. Thanks, Dick.
First off, these were people going to see a PLAY. A PLAY. Not at the Dodgers game or a Kings game, not even at a comedy show- it was a freakin’ PLAY. The majority of these people get hungry when you mention the word “Kobe”, not think of one of the greatest players of our time. I don’t think they cared enough to walk right out of the show and hear what happened.
And second, on that topic, way to ruin the show for these people, Douche. These nice old ladies just saw a great Musical and want to talk about it and they get bum-rushed by Lakers news- You are an usher at Pantages Theater, not a security guard at Staples! The old ladies were so confused, they were still in the Land of Oz, they didn’t know what was going on.
And last, but certainly not least- I TIVO’ed the game, ASS. I turned my cell phone off, didn’t check it at intermission, stayed far away from any person that said words like “Ball” even though they were talking about the dance they just saw or words like “Perkins” even though they were talking about where they were going for dinner after the show. I managed to ignore every one and every thing and all I had left was a straight shoot down Hollywood Blvd. back home, ignoring random Homeless Men in Lakers jerseys, the blonde-black midget, and Tom Petty Spiderman- or anyone else who talks to me.
I, too, have let the proverbial cat out of the bag before, once telling a friend “Oh, you missed that last ‘Office’ where they kissed at the end?”, so I know both sides of this. And I have since tried my best to understand that you cannot tell anyone anything about anything on TV unless you preface it with “Did you watch… (blank)… yet?” I don’t care if it is Game 7 of the NBA Finals or the 3rd episode of the 5th season of Tila Tequila, I don’t talk about anything on TV to anyone.
And that should be your rule now, too.
- Baltimore fans are feeling what Bills fans felt the last few years- that Willis McGahee often seems to not try- often near the end zone. Just watching a couple of Ravens’ drives this season- where Willis just stutters as he doesn’t know whether to take it outside or smash into the line- it makes me feel like a weight has been lifted off my back- and thrust upon Ravens fans.
- Ian Thomsen of Sports Illustrated recently wrote about Larry Brown and his decision to stay in Philadelphia, instead of going to be an “assistant” under Doc Rivers in Boston (or numerous other college jobs).
Thomsen says at one point in the article: “But his meetings with Snider (76ers owner) and 76ers president Billy King convinced Brown to stay in Philadelphia, where he and wife Shelly are raising their young family.”
Larry, you just got like a $40-million buyout from the Knicks- you want to live in Philly? Don’t you have a house in Malibu? You can live anywhere you want in the country- in the WORLD even, and you pick Philadelphia? I have nothing against Philly, I like Philly- but come on, Larry. Your kid could’ve been so much nicer a person.
- I can’t watch Jesse Palmer. Not that he’s an idiot or anything, I just can’t physically look at him. He looks like the epitome of a douche bag. Even the douchiest of the frat boys at Syracuse University or the douchiest wannabe actor I see out at a bar here in LA- they don’t compare with Jesse Palmer. I just want to punch him in the face. Yet, I don’t hate him- I can’t explain it.
- Talked about intensely over 2 months ago, ESPN2 again showed Darren McFadden’s pimped out Crown Vic during the Kentucky at Arkansas game on Saturday. Making it on blogs is one thing, but letting ESPN cameras come and film your ride which has at least $10,000 worth of “extras” on it, seems a bit overconfident. Where is D-Mac getting all this money from? As far as I know, his mother has been in jail and was addicted to drugs, but even if someone in his family has money- don’t flaunt it like that. I’m not saying he’s getting paid- I’m just going to leave saying people in Arkansas take their football seriously.
Back in July, I wrote about an underground rapper named “Ja Skillz”, who also went by the pseudonym “Daniel-san”, the same name I write under.
This “Ja Skillz” berated me in an email in which he demanded that I stop writing under “his” name. We exchanged heated emails and he became more and more interesting to me. Eventually, I asked him for his album and he offered it up to me for the “low price, considering the brilliance, of $35″.
As I said back in July, a week after I immediately turned down that offer, he sent me a rap song about Golf. Fantastic.
He also sent me a rap song about the Buffalo Bills. He mentioned in his, I’m assuming, fake bio that he was born in Buffalo, so apparently he has an affinity for the Bills, as well as the Gentlemen’s Game.
I haven’t heard from “Skillz” in awhile, but the Golf Song and this Bills song, entitled “Norwood Wide Right”- which he called a “slow jam”- have gotten me through a long summer.
First, to preface the song, it was apparently written between 2000 - 2002, during or just after the “Rob Johnson Era”.
Wade Phillips fat references, Kent Hull, the Biscuit, Jim Kelly and Rogaine, Ted Marchibroda, Thurman losing his helmet and Andre Reed getting the unsportsmanlike conduct call in the Redskins Super Bowl right before half-time: this song has it all.
“Norwood Wide Right” - Ja Skillz - link to song
ESPN’s John Clayton recently wrote an article where he compared the Chiefs’ Brodie Croyle and the Bills’ QB J.P. Losman:
Unless Croyle blows it, he appears to be the starter. To me, the situation looks no different than the J.P. Losman situation last year in Buffalo. Losman struggled with mistakes through camp while the coaching staff initially debated whether to start Kelly Holcomb or Craig Nall. But they ended up giving the job to Losman. By midseason, he grew as a leader, and now the offense is well ahead of the defense in Buffalo. By the way, Croyle looks a little like Losman, for what it’s worth.
You be the judge:
Soon after this, Croyle was demoted to 2nd string QB, being replaced by Damon Huard. But back to if they look-a-like or not, Sports at Random’s Puja thinks Clayton is crazy:
John Brodie Croyle AKA “JB Croyle” was born in shitsville Alabama (sorry Rainbow City) & has a little “inbred hick” to him with a Ringo Starr-sized schnoz to boot. Meanwhile, JP Losman is from Venice Beach, & has some Mexican & Cherokee ethnicity in his family. In the realm of vicious stereotypes, I’ll go with… push.
Style: For his NFL portrait, Croyle is sporting the Losman ‘04 shag-cut, but that’s at least a step up from JP’s “fag mustache” (not my words), which was seen around Buffalo last winter. Hopefully for Chief fans, Croyles’ 1st season under center is better than that of Jonathan Paul Losman.
JP’s portrait (mugshot) brings back memories of Nick Nolte’s endless night. All he needs is that oddly out of place Hawaiian shirt & a DWI charge. Is it me or Losman’s face swelling along with his build? Better than his ego I guess. It looks like he just got off a 22 hour flight to Tokyo… during which he pounded down 3 salt shakers.
Conclusion: they look about as alike as John Clayton & Sean Salisbury
And I think they both subtly resemble Jon Heder.
But like John Clayton said, this is all just “for what it’s worth”.
Which, in this case, is absolutely nothing.
Sorry I wasted your time.
Puja does a study of Butkus Award Winners. Doesn’t look good for two promising Rookies, Patrick Willis and Paul Posluszny:
Both Posluszny & Willis have received a lot hype. either may have a good shot @ ROY, but as the last 2 Butkus award winners… history says a long illustrious career is probably not in the cards:
1985 Brian Bosworth - “the Boz” nuff said.
1986 Brian Bosworth
1987 Paul McGowan - never made it to the NFL
1988 Derrick Thomas - HOF-caliber career was cut short, possibly by his failure to wear a seatbelt. The one guy on this list who might make the Hall w/ his resume to date.
1989 Percy Snow - “Snow was more of a natural bust, when you consider the hype he generated at Michigan State as the country’s best linebacker. Snow crashed a moped in training camp in 1991 and was never the same player. His career flamed out after only three active seasons with just one start in his final two.”
1990 Alfred Williams - good career: 9 seasons, 60 sacks, 1 time Pro Bowler
1991 Erick Anderson - his biography from his current job at AndersonBrothersFootball says he ” was drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs in 1992 where he played for three years before signing on with the Washington Redskins in 1995,” but the NFL says he played played 10 games over 2 seasons.
1992 Marvin Jones - solid 10 year career
1993 Trev Alberts - injuries sidelined him after fewer than 30 games. Later ’sacked’ by ESPN for playing hooky
1994 Dana Howard - played 2 years then off to the Amsterdam Admirals
1995 Kevin Hardy - ^Howard’s Illini teammate played 9 solid seasons before chronic injuries got the better of him
1996 Matt Russell - career consisted of 1 NFL game
1997 Andy Katzenmoyer - played less than 2 years before neck injuries ended his career
1998 Chris Claiborne - missed a year & a half w/ severe knee injuries that forced him into permanent free agent status at age 27
1999 LaVar Arrington - knee injuries, coach’s DNP, torn achilles tendon, motorcycle accident…
2000 Dan Morgan - concussion machine. unfortunately he has been on the receiving end
2001 Rocky Calmus - nerve injury in his back affected his legs. has played 5 games since 2004, none since wk 1 2005.
2002 EJ Henderson - first 3 years were slow, but seems to be rolling now
2003 Teddy Lehman - has played 9 games in the past 2 seasons w/ ankle & foot injuries putting him on IR & PUP
2004 Derrick Johnson - so far so good, but tweaked his ankle last year…
2005 Paul Posluszny - ?
2006 Patrick Willis - ?
Puja sent me this gem of a video:
“Lou… was very sick. He was very sick.” Fantastic.
Like a true Bills Fan, this video was very good throughout, but didn’t really come together in the end.
It’s time for Fantasy Football rankings.
Now, I haven’t had my Fantasy Draft yet, so I was a bit worried about writing this post. I’m in a highly competitive league that still has original members from 7th Grade. There is actually a waiting list to get in the league and you can only be in the league if you graduated from Orchard Park High School in the year 2000.
That being said, I am so confident in my drafting ability, I figure I can put out my secret rankings and still win my League.
QUARTERBACKS:
1) Peyton Manning - a given
2) Tom Brady - was great last year without any good WR’s.
3) Rex Grossman - will be more consistent both on the field and in AA meetings
4) Drew Brees - despite O-line injuries, still has great talent around him
5) Brady Quinn - Defensive players don’t like tackling Gay Icons
6) Carson Palmer - 100% healthy with great offensive talent
7) Kurt Warner - Jesus will injure Matt Leinart for sinning, lift Kurt to the Pro-Bowl 
Tim Hasselbeck - Eli Manning is a Rosie O’Donnell fan and Tom Coughlin hates Lesbians
9) Michael Vick
10) Charlie Batch - will buy Big Ben a Harley
RUNNING BACKS:
1) LaDainian Tomlinson - please
2) Frank Gore - is guaranteeing 2,000 yards
3) T.J. Duckett - no longer has to follow Michael Vick to Dog Fights on off-nights
4) Stephen Jackson - will get 100 receptions
5) Marshawn Lynch - Because people are crazy
6) Larry Johnson - Grandmama will sign extension
7)Adrian Peterson - … but which one?!?! Jerious Norwood - Only this low because he never runs wide right
9) Brian Westbrook - won’t get injured
10) Chris Brown - Because he can “Run it, run it”
WIDE RECEIVERS:
1) Chad Johnson - Ocho Cinco es bueno
2) Marvin Harrison - has 18 months until completely bald, will play like his life is ending
3) Wes Welker - because Tom Brady is racist
4) Larry Fitzgerald - everyone knows Black Irish people are the best athletes
5) Eddie Kennison - will retire and come back and sign with the Colts a week later
6) Torry Holt - always solid
7) Steve Breaston - hee… hee… hehe Eric Moulds - will finally stop ordering pizza during practice
9) Reggie Wayne - best #2 in the game
10) Sidney Rice - plays better when CB’s make fun of his name
- 
The New Zealand national basketball team’s nickname is the “Tall Blacks”. You read that correctly. A basketball team called the TALL… BLACKS.
The funny thing is, the team is mainly short white guys.
- The Associated Press ran a story about how Terence McGee is stepping up to the challenge of being the Bills number 1 Cornerback, replacing Nate Clements. One quote from the article (which the AP seemed to just breeze over in their “straight reporting” bland style) really caught my attention. McGee had this to say about Clements playing with such confidence on the field:
“That’s about the only thing I really learned from Nate.”
Sweet. 4 years with the (previously) highest paid Defensive player in the League and that’s all he got? Maybe the Bills did get too young this year, but no one is really complaining about letting go any one of the players. Losing Takeo Spikes and London Fletcher obviously hurts in the leadership department, but no one in Buffalo wants to pay them what they are making. Clements especially, along those lines.
In the NBA, this is what demolishes teams- having players that make much more than they are worth. Now, admittedly, it is different in the NFL, but it’s common sense not to overpay for anything- and the Bills aren’t (ok, maybe the Punter- but that’s all).
- 
We order Sunday delivery of The New York Times, but it often doesn’t show up. Then last Sunday, the New York Post showed up instead of The Times.
That’s like going to a restaurant and ordering steak- but they bring you a 7-11 hot dog instead.