From “The Adam Carolla Show”, Adam portrays Bill Simmons after Tom Brady’s injury:
Link
I have a feeling Carolla doesn’t respect what Simmons does for a living. I wonder what he would think of me, then?
Archive for the 'sports guy' Category
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The most interesting billboard placement I have ever seen.
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Take a look at ESPN.com’s front page. No Sports Boy anywhere. Bill Simmons is apparently on vacation/writing a book, but that doesn’t seem like a reason to completely remove him from the front page. They run his old articles all the time- but removing him takes effort. Interesting- maybe it’s permanent. Well, one can only hope (come on, he jumped the shark when the Red Sox won the World Series and he wrote a book about it).
- From The Stencil, a Buffalo News article about “The Earl of Bud”- a man who every Buffalo sports fan knows about. It was truly a treat to see him at The Aud during Sabres games- doing the Pee Wee Herman dance to “Tequila”. Just trust me. It was amazing.
I was at this game- the last at the Aud.
I wish I was at this bar.
- I don’t think there is a good way to prepare any true “Seinfeld” fan for what I’m about to show you. Basically… Bill Simmons = Douche Bag:
Chris (Louisville, KY): I think we can blame any series ending letdown on Jerry Seinfeld. After that stink bomb every director is gonna try to do the same thing and put their “stamp” on the finale.
SportsNation Bill Simmons: See, now that was a bad series finale! The show should have ended with Elaine and Jerry ending up together. By the way, I’m sorry this chat is so serious, I am still tense from the Sopranos, I might have to do a shot of Patron or something.
Elaine and Jerry ending up together? Why don’t you just put on some panties and pop in your favorite “Friends” DVD? Elaine and Jerry ending up together would be the absolute worst possible scenario. “Seinfeld” was great because it never did go into the drama that all other sitcoms do. The closest it got was Elaine saying “I love you… nited airlines” in that episode, but it just breezed past it. It was great. The series finale was just a good, regular episode. They could have easily appeased the feminine (and apparent Sports Guy) viewers and had some drama like “Friends”, “Frazier”, “Cheers”, or “The Office”, but it was a SITCOM, not “Grey’s Anatomy” where you need to be left with a cliffhanger week to week so you come back and watch. It never used those corny marketing tactics so the Network could keep promoting “What’s going to happen next?”. That’s why “Seinfeld” was the greatest show ever. It never caved in to the Network’s/female viewers’ wishes.
Frankly, I’m so disgusted by this that I may never read him again. I’m completely serious.
- Greatest video ever of hitting a Home Run in clay animation with Trick Daddy’s “Let’s Go” playing over it:
- A-Rod. Looking like a sissy: PICTURE
- Speaking of sissies, is it just me or have Gatorades become really hard to open?
- Rain delays are boring in Major League Baseball, so imagine how boring they are in the New York Collegiate Baseball League. Boring enough to put your uniform on your legs and your pants on your hands, I guess:
The Sports Boy Bill Simmons wrote an article today (read that first) where he had comments from Cleveland Cavaliers fans- who lived in LA. So, I thought I would have my resident Cleveland Cavaliers expert (who lives in LA) crack back on what they said. So, here’s the first appearance of My Roommate:
“For the first email Simmons poster, I’ll just point out the thing I don’t agree with. Most of what he says has some validity… however:
- Z gets boards. Checking his offensive rebounds per 48 minutes proves he’s still an effective rebounder. Perhaps this guys is watching how effective Drew and Andy are as well, and taking Z for granted. But, anyone watching the the games sees all the tips and put backs he gets. With a team that misses as many jumpers as Cleveland, his tip ins and Andy’s deflections to others and/or rebounds for himself are huge. Z plays almost 10 less minutes a game than Dwight Howard and he pulls down the same amount of offensive boards per game (3.4-not even a per 48 minute stat). But, as we know, Z doesn’t play 48 minutes, so if you look at his overall rebounding numbers for a 7′3″ guy, you’re gonna be disappointed. He’s actually slightly worse than Gooden. But the reality is he does sit a fair amount, and yes, that includes at crunch time, usually in part due to foul trouble. But he’s most definitely not a liability on offense or defense. He’s one of the top jump shooting/post up centers in the game (not that there are many left), and on defense there is no question he alters a ton of shots and gets a fair number of blocks. He’s a liability in transition and he’s a liability on the pick and roll. But Varejao’s speed often masks that on this Cavs squad.
- Lucious Harris never started outside of multiple injury situations. David Wesley started two games consecutively in the beginning of this year due to injury to Hughes (shocker there) before Brown (the coach) was willing to give Boobie (keep reading) and Brown (the player) minutes. It’s an exaggeration by the writer to try to prove what was a valid point prior to his gross exaggeration. Lebron’s two guards have largely sucked, or been ridiculously inconsistent, or both during his short career. Eric Williams was there for a half year and was just a rotation guy. He didn’t log massive minutes. He was a stop-gap that was just one of the three temporary salary fillers to unload triple-double Davis. And if it’s not exclusively two guards and point guards that you are using to cite as “awful shooters”, what about Pavs? What about Donyell? He’s obviously not talking about just guards cause Eric Williams is a three. Paint the whole picture. Hell, even Lee Nailon and Jumaine Jones were better shooters than some of the scrubs he decided to mention who have played insignificant minutes on the Cavs over Lebron’s tenure. Z can knock them down out to about 19 feet with regularity.
As for the second Simmons email guy, I think he makes an interesting argument. The only thing I’m hesitant to agree with is that the problem is Lebron. It could be, and time hopefully will tell if Lebron doesn’t jump ship in 2010 (editor’s note: to the Brooklyn Nets), but the guys around him, outside of Z, who are the “skill guys” have all been questioned as to leadership/character over their time in the league. Larry, Damon, Drew (he’s called out for lack of understanding and inability to play help D-not that he’s a bad character guy), hell, even Pavs (one man offense… although he’s taken significant steps to disproving that this season). There are two guys who I see as the type of role guys who rise to the challenge regardless of Lebron. One is Varejao, the other is Snow. Unfortunately Snow sucks outside his defense and strips. But he still gives it 100 percent. Varejao contributes huge, but he can’t help much from a scoring perspective.”
My Roommate emailed me that. Here are the following emails we sent to each other back and forth after I read that:
Me: Who the hell is ‘Boobie’? Gibson?
My Roommate: Yeah, and obviously ‘Andy’ is Anderson.
My Roommate: Simmons obviously at least picked people who watched the games, but their comments read like they look at the Cavs like Lebron and the irrelevants. Like they’re analyzing how ESPN analyzes the Cavs. Not the Cavs as a team. The second guy places blame on Lebron for the failures of his teammates. The Cavs have talent. Not well rounded talent. And not talent with the ability to take over, but they’re not all bums. They ARE largely overpaid across the board though. Except for Andy. And Gooden. And Pavs. Everyone else should be making less. Larry should be dead.
Me: Why the hell is daniel gibson called ‘boobie’?
My Roommate: his mom
Me: why call your son one of your own body parts?
My Roommate: ‘boobie’ stems from a childhood affliction. his mother used to shampoo his hair with lavender and tree oil. he sprouted a tit.
Too many people have made too big a deal over how “dangerous” or awful NBA All-Star Weekend was in Las Vegas. The Sports Boy Bill Simmons even mentioned how people were actually afraid to walk the strip. Everyone is talking about how there were hundreds upon hundreds more arrests made than normal. Doesn’t everyone realize that if you put the most people ever in Vegas, that there would probably be a larger number of arrests than normal? (half of these arrests were prostitution, by the way) And now with this whole Pacman saga- (which I have a couple of notes on: I really enjoy how the Affidavit for a search warrant (PDF) keeps calling the rapper Nelly “Nellie” and how, for some reason, Pacman had a garbage bag full of over $81,000 in cash on hand. A garbage bag? You don’t want to put it in like a briefcase, Man? Or at least a bag with a zipper?)
Many other complaints were heard from the local businesses, such as Coco’s, the chain restaurant, where allegedly 20% of their customers walked out on their bills. Basically, Vegas hates black people.
I had my sources who went for the weekend (since I, unfortunately, could not show my face in front of the NBA that weekend- long story) ask the questions to the people that would be the most honest- Cab Drivers and Bartenders. One Bartender told us that the casinos hate black people because they don’t gamble. They just “hang around and drink their own alcohol in circles”. Several times my sources were witness to a large group of people taking all of the slot machine stools and just making a circle to chill around. It took several members of security to put the stools back in the right place. And, allegedly, the unnamed Casino sent only black security guards, no white ones, to settle the situation down.
Another Bartender told my sources that he was told to raise the price of alcohol, but was never told by how much. He told a story on how a young African-American male approached him and ordered five drinks and a shot and said, “How much?” The Bartender replied, “90 bucks” and the gentleman just smacked down a Benjamin and said, “Keep the change.” (the real price would have been around $50)
One Cab Driver was proud to tell the story of one African-American girl who claimed she used HALF her entire student loan just to get to Vegas because once she was there she knew she could, “Get myself a man.” Cabbies also claimed “black people don’t tip”.
A final story that my sources told me was that an unnamed small Italian Restaurant actually had 30% less business that weekend… and they were thrilled! One person associated with the restaurant said they didn’t “want that kind of crowd” in their establishment, regardless of them losing some money.
The white media is reporting about All-Star (AKA Black Thanksgiving (thank you, Michael Wilbon)) and is afraid to show their racism outright- but it still shows. Read Simmons’ piece and don’t tell me he’s not afraid of black people. People are not understanding that this is a cultural thing, not a race thing. When you have an event like NBA All-Star, it brings out all the wanna-be gangstas and get rich quick scheming women (and men), but it also brings the REAL power people, too. All of these types of people within a 1000 mile radius. And with a wanna-be town such as Los Angeles so close, it brought those characters out tenfold. And, yes, maybe a lot of those people happened to be black, but you think there wasn’t some Latino dude getting arrested over the weekend? Or some Jewish guy getting thrown out of some club? I guarantee you there was. And if there is an issue here, it’s the culture of the NBA and the culture of Hip-Hop America- go see Alpha Dog, you’ll see this wanna-be culture that thinks you just have to act hard to get ahead. NOTHING TO DO WITH RACE.
Three more notes on All-Star:
- I’m sure you all heard and saw already, but here’s that “altercation” between The Game and Young Buck anyways. Basically, it’s just The Game lazily trying to rush the stage where Young Buck is and he gets thrown out. Then, I believe he says he’s going to “use this”, like use this experience of getting peacefully thrown out of the club on a record. See, the rap game is not in trouble! You Tube
- They met at the Super Bowl. They married at All-Star. MTV Whore Nick Cannon met supermodel Selita Ebanks THREE WEEKS AGO at the Super Bowl in Miami. They quickly fell in “love” and their whirlwind romance led to their eloping in Las Vegas over the All-Star Weekend. Nick, I’m “gonna call you the Scarecrow, I’m looking for some brains“.
- Now this is just what was overheard, I have nothing to back this up other than that I trust my sources (but who knows if you can trust the people talking): One of my sources was in an elevator with two “thug looking” guys who claimed that they smoked weed with Carmelo Anthony the night before. An exact quote was “Melo’s got the best sticky” and the shorter one, who was under 5′8″, claimed he used to ball with Carmelo. They were just talking to each other in an elevator and this was what was overheard. That’s all I’m going to say.
That is all.
I am not here to attack Bill Simmons.
Ok, saying that, doesn’t he seem to think he’s “too cool” nowadays? His drinking and partying stories are getting annoying. Two of my top sources work with the NBA and with ESPN. The ESPN source flat out called him “a drunk” and when I asked the source to clarify, they said “…obviously during Super Bowl Week or All-Star Weekend you’re going to be out drinking, but if you’re in your 30’s, you shouldn’t be falling down in the hotel lobby and then writing how much you drank in your column.”
Also irking this ESPN employee was all of the people in ESPN who take the opinion of this “drunk” as gospel. The source says, “If he has a suggestion, then we automatically do it, so that gets annoying.”
Now, my NBA source, who loves him, said he wasn’t even invited to, according to his latest article, “the most underrated party of the weekend”, the Tech Summit on Thursday night. But, since he is Bill Simmons (whatever that means), he got in.
Now, this isn’t going to turn into my William Wesley, but if I ever have any other information, I’ll pass it along.
Saying all of this, I still read EVERY word of EVERY one of his columns. Looks like he is worth more than the millions Yahoo! offered.